Is This a Poll?

Here's an interesting bit I saw on Wednesday:



Is that a poll? An offer for free Spam? What?

I didn't follow up on it, of course, because:

• The purpose of this Web log is to mock the ads, not the products (although I sometimes do that, too, for no extra charge).
  
  
• I don't care; I don't use Outlook. I use an obscure e-mail client, an old client that translates all e-mail into Morse code. JavaScripting? Any scripting? Integration with the operation system? Good golly, no! That's insecure computing that would leave me vulnerable to whatever SpamFree's selling.

Warning, Impotent Message

I've watched this particular message evolve. As I saw it on March 8, it said:



The first version said, "The publisher of this Web site has detected you have tracking software installed on your machine." Obviously, this must have run into some resistance from reputable Web sites which serve pop-under ads (WashingtonPost.com, et cetera) who were getting fingered for "scanning" readers' computers. The ad copy has changed and has moved from an Emily Dickinson capitalization model to that embraced by the rest of with high-faluting English degrees. Perhaps the next version of the ad will feature proper comma use, too.

The "serious violation of privacy" in the "program on your machine that monitors and transmits all of your online activities" refers, undoubtedly, to the very Web browser through which the user views the ad. Since most people don't know the intracicies of their computers' functionality (and by intracacies, I mean "basics), whomever runs this ad hopes to sell a script that empties the personal history on a routing basis. That is, that changes a user preference. Sweet. I hope it's a subscription and not an outright purchase.

Friends, Romans, and countrymen, and even you Franks, don't use "security" software downloaded from a pop-under ad. Never. Ever.

Thank you, that is all.

How's the Weather Up There?

A number of companies will install adware software for you and in exchange for whatever they do to your PC, will provide you with a minimum of weather information, such as the temperature, on your taskbar. That's helpful if:

1. You are too stupid to hang a thermometer outside your window.
2. You cannot be bothered to open a Web browser and go to Weather.com.
3. You don't have enough pop-ups in your life.

Here are two:

• Weatherscope:
  
  
  
  Your computer utilites may not report the weather, but download our software and we'll be sure that your computer utilities now report your every coming and going on the Internet to us and report who's buying ad space from us, oh, yeah, and we'll show you the temperature, too.
  
  
• Weatherbug:
  
  
  
  A slightly less classy pop-under ad. Not only does it not identify the real reason the company wants you to install its software, but it couches it in terms of a taskbar update. As computer security experts want users to download updates immediately for their own safety, Weatherbug hopes to cash in on the gullible who will install their legitrojan.
  
  Surely Weatherbug would insist that users know the difference. Some do. Some might even think it's a clever turn on the whole operating system update/upgrade. But both of those users work for Weatherbug's marketing department. This type of po-under ad is the equivalent of Time-Warner magazines shipping out Fortune subscription junk mail designed like due invoices. Sure, attentive users will recognize the difference and might subscribe, but the ads take advantage of confused elderly people who think it is a bill and just write a check. Or a dozen. For Entertainment Weekly, Fortune, Time, and all the rest of them, thus ensuring that the bulk of their estates will be perpetual subscriptions (and "Early Renewal Savings Vouchers").

A Classic Returns

While cruising around the Web on Thursday, I saw an old friend return. I had heard that x10 was having a little trouble with its business and hadn't seen one of its famous pop-under ads. It would have been a shame to start this site without a sample from its stable; after all, x10 was the market for these ads for a long time. However, fortunately, I caught this bad Oscar to share:



The tagline is "See What You've Been Missing." You know what I missed, honestly? The stock photo of a semi- to demi-hot chick in a seductive pose with copy that illustrated security possibilities while paying homage to the real reason people would buy this camera--voyeurism. You can see your home, your kitchen, THE BEDROOM!!!1!!

Second wave of these ads was a little wry, indicating that the company never meant for you to use them that way! (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, buy-some-more!).

Welcome

Welcome to Pop-Up Mocker, the blog that truly appreciates the sublime artform of the Pop-Up or Pop-Under Ad.

As most of you have already implemented pop-up blocking software, you're missing most of these beauties. Don't worry, I stride boldly into the world of unscrupulous advertising to ensure you'll see the biggest reputable phishing expeditions aimed at gullible Web users and we can all point and laugh together.

Enjoy!